Why I didn’t buy you a drink

[paloma]

Ne znam gdje bi ovaj tekst bolje pasao, u psihologiju, politiku, drustvo, ljubavi... Mozda da je nekima od vas sigurno poznat, ali ipak bih da vas zamolim da ga procitate i prokomentarisete da li i koliko ovaj tekst pase u nase drustvo.

So a couple of weeks ago a put up a post regarding the etiquette of intersexual drink-buying at bars. Lo and behold, this past weekend a friend of mine got burned at the tav by falling for the exact trap that my post warned against. Accordingly, I felt compelled to repost for the benefit of all the beautiful women in Salt Lake who don’t want to scroll all the way down to find the original post. This may be redundant, but I cannot in good conscience let this phenomenon go overlooked. So here it is again: Why I didn’t Buy You a Drink.

You: Cute girl at the bar. Me: The guy you chatted with while waiting for our drinks. The Topic: Why I didn’t buy you a drink. The Audience: Women everywhere, please read this. I know it’s long, but I feel the length is expedient to truly illustrating and arguing my point.

I was waiting to order right as things were getting crazy. It was obvious that it would be a long wait. What can I say? I can’t compete with all the douches yelling for jager bombs. It was then that you appeared. A cute, petite, slightly hipster-ish girl standing next to me, waiting to order as well. The conversation began in the typical manner, simply relating on how frustrating it is when you spend half a night out just waiting for a drink. It then evolved into a true conversation. I spent the next twenty minutes finding out you have great taste in music, movies and literature. You laughed at my jokes, and that’s a big deal to average-looking guys like me. Unfortunately, after we’d both finished our respective drinks, but were still immersed in discussion, you dropped a bomb that sent shrapnel into my heart.

“So are you gonna buy me a drink or what?”

I had been dreading this moment. I’ve learned from hard experience that any prolonged conversation with a girl at a club or a bar inevitably requires a fee of rum and coke, vodka tonic, or God forbid, a cosmo. As cute as you were, I felt obligated to retain my self-respect.

“Sorry, I don’t buy klix drinks. Just kind of my policy.”

You looked at me like I told you I was going to rape your dog Charlie (yes, I remember his name). Your face morphed from a beautiful smile into a twisted caricature of shock, revulsion, and utter disbelief.

“Seriously, you’re not gonna buy me a drink? What’s your problem?”

Well sweetheart, let me explain to you in detail my logic regarding this decision that you found so unbelievable:

1. I’ve been going to bars for a couple of years now. I enjoy meeting people when I do. I enjoy meeting attractive klix like yourself. I have, however, learned that buying klix drinks is a sucker’s game. Yes, it has developed into sharing my bed for the night a couple times, but 90% of the time, all it does is give me a higher bar tab. Now you might say I’m a prick for expecting a girl to sleep with me just because I buy her a drink. I agree an $8 cocktail does not and should not equal a sexual encounter. However, I believe spending time and money on a girl when I could be having a good night out with my friends does entitle me at least one of the following things: You reciprocating by buying me a drink, you giving me your phone number and/or going out on a date with me, where once again I will be spending time and money on you. Notice that sex is not a requirement or expectation that is coupled with any of these options. Now, of course, if I had offered to buy you a drink, and you accepted, you are not obligated to any of these things. The big distinction here is that you asked me to buy you a drink, and were shocked that I wouldn’t do so. This brings me to my second point.
2. You know exactly what you’re doing. You’re an attractive girl, and when you go out there is no shortage of guys offering to buy you drinks. You know that they are all doing so with the hope that it will lead to sex with you. You know that it’s not going to happen, but you will accept the free drinks anyway. I don’t hold this against you. If they’re dumb enough to think that buying you a drink is the key to your heart and that they are somehow different from the other Ed Hardy-wearing frat-bros then it’s their own damn fault. You’re using your god-given assets to get free alcohol, nothing wrong with that. But it is precisely because I know that you do this that I will not be another douche who thinks he can get into your pants with a mixed drink. It’s insulting to my dignity as a man and your honor as a woman. I noticed you when you first walked in. I saw you dancing with that hopeless collar-popper. I saw him go to the bar and bring a drink back to you on the dancefloor. I saw how the second the glass was in your hand, you gave him the “Thanks for the drink, it was really nice meeting you” treatment complete with the obligatory pat on the chest. I saw the pathetic, defeated look on his face as you walked away. He will enter the next round of bar hopping a little wiser I hope.
3. You took my unwillingness to fall into such a trap as an insult. You accused me of being stuck-up. You then said that I had a chance at fucking you, but that I’d ruined it by being an asshole. What exactly are you trying to tell me? That the asinine idea that getting a girl a drink will get you in her pants is actually true? That your decision of whether or not to sleep with a guy is based on him liquoring you up? We had a good conversation, and maybe you were actually interested in me. But the fact that any rapport we built was destroyed when I wouldn’t buy you a gin and tonic means that I am no longer interested in you. Not all guys are desperate sperm donors. Some of us actually value a good conversation, and we value klix who have enough respect for themselves that they don’t view sex as a transaction.
4. We established during our conversation that we are both broke-ass fine arts students. Why then would you expect that I, someone who shares your financial woes, would want to spend money on you, a girl I just met? I don’t believe that chivalry is dead. I’ll hold a door for you, I’ll pull out your chair or take your coat. I’ll help you change a flat tire, carry you over deep puddles, figure out the remote, reset your modem. I’ll even help you move when I know you a little better. Why? Because I’m a gentleman. I will not, however, buy you a drink under the pretense that it is what a gentleman does, because I simply cannot afford it. If you want a guy who can afford to buy you whatever you want, find a fifty year-old sugar daddy. There was no shortage of potentials at the bar the other night.

I hope this illustrated my thought-process clearly enough. I hope you realize that you seemed amazing at first, and that declining to buy you a drink was in no way an insult. Your reaction, however, revealed the self-entitled, game-playing she-devil that was lurking underneath. I thank god for the out that he provided at that moment though. Just after you finished your little rant on what I dick I was for not boozing you up, a group of klix emerged at the bar right behind you. Two of these klix were thin and pretty. They immediately got the attention of some bros and had free drinks within minutes. The third girl was overweight and out of place. She had clearly spent a great deal of time and effort on her appearance, but alas, she was once again forsaken by her prettier friends and left to stand by herself, looking miserable. Luckily, I know when the universe has given me a profound gift. There were two incredible moments that filled me with an elation that could not be rivaled by the orgasm I would have had while fucking you. The first was the sincere, excited smile that the chubby girl gave me when I moved past you and asked what she wanted to drink. The second was turning back and seeing the look of horror on your face. You pathetic “have fun with the fatty” remark as you walked away was priceless. I may be broke, but I was willing to go into the red to make this girl’s night and to piss you off. I’m sure as soon as you left you got plenty of free drinks and plenty of idiots drooling over you. I just hope that I got under your skin enough to prevent any enjoyment of those things.

I had a great night. I introduced the big girl to an open-minded friend, and as I write this they are across the hall having loud sex. Normally going to bed alone, subjected to the sounds of raucous lovemaking across the hall would be a serious downer. But tonight, as I crawl into my lonely bed, I will go to sleep comforted by the fact that I have retained my self-respect. Having encountered more than a few spoiled bimbos, I infer that sex with you would have consisted of you lying on your back expecting me to be so grateful that I’m seeing your “hot” naked bod makes up for the fact that you are putting absolutely no effort into this sexual experience. This may just be me trying to justify going to bed alone tonight, but hey, what can you do?

The moral: Ladies, accept drinks if they are offered. Do not expect them. And if you’re feeling particularly wild on a given night, offer to buy the guy a drink. He will be instantly smitten.


http://www.bspcn.com/2010/01/17/why-i-d ... u-a-drink/

[Loulou]

u biti, lik je u pravu, ali... smori filozofijom

[zijancer]

mislim da ne filozofira ovako & ovoliko svaki dan, već više djeluje kao da je odlučio da ovaj govor 'očita' samo jednom, ali za sva vremena

[Loulou]

mislim da ne filozofira ovako & ovoliko svaki dan, već više djeluje kao da je odlučio da ovaj govor 'očita' samo jednom, ali za sva vremena

vjerovatno... al' dalo se to u par crtica iznijeti. Vidi se da je fine arts student

[viciousD]

ja pročitah xD
Mislim da se ovaj tekst ne odnosi toliko na naše područije zato jer je kod nas ta kultura "daitinga" razvijena malo drugačije.

[JThomas]

to se moglo sažeti u jednu ciginu rečenicu: nemam, a i da imam, odakle mi?

[Officer Crabtree]

nemam, a i da imam, odakle mi?

pravilnije: nemam, a đe da imam?

[theTruePath]

ja pročitah xD
Mislim da se ovaj tekst ne odnosi toliko na naše područije zato jer je kod nas ta kultura "daitinga" razvijena malo drugačije.

koja je razlika

[pustopoljina]

otisla mi citava kafa uz ovaj tekst
well...jako interesantan lik...odlucio da jednom za svagda razjasni neke stvari
a svidja mi se sto je stavio i ime cukice u mail...jer ako ona slatkica procita...
Ko zna (ah niko, niko ništa ne zna.
Krhko je znanje!)
Možda je pao trak istine u me,
A možda su sanje.
Još bi nam mogla desiti se ljubav,
Desiti - velim,
Ali ja ne znam, da li da je želim,
ili ne želim.

[Svemirco]

Odlična intimna studija muško-ženske dinamike.

Dosta žena je oduvijek koristilo ono među nogama da postignu svoje ciljeve ali ne-daj-Bože da im to neko skreše u lice, u svijetlu svog licemjerstva ujedaju kao lisice.

Avaj, sve dok imaju to među nogama na muškarcima je da igraju po njihovim pravilima, ili ipak ne?

[sodom]

Hahhaha, kriminalan lik.


Eh, sada koliko je upravu?, ono zamisli prvi put vidis curu i kazes da neces da joj platis piće, nije tu fazon u parama ili principu ili da li to ona očekuje ili ne kako to škrti englez predstavi, već je to oblik lijepog ponašanja.

A ako si dovoljno zanimljiv i interesantan, zvaće turu nazad. ( bez obzira na njen izgled, jer je u jednom dijelu opisao njen izgled)

Ugl, mislim da je student naletio na sponzorušu, onda tu nema pravila a i uopšte ako prilaziš takvoj valjda treba da znaš šta da očekuješ...

[JThomas]

pazi, fazon upravo jest u principu. jest to u jednu ruku neki red, ali kakav je red pitati "hoćeš mi platiti piće" ako to lik već nije sam uradio (dal' iz principa, dal' zato što nema, dal' zato što jednostavno ne želi, nije ni bitno)?

[Loulou]

..ono zamisli prvi put vidis curu i kazes da neces da joj platis piće, nije tu fazon u parama ili principu ili da li to ona očekuje ili ne kako to škrti englez predstavi, već je to oblik lijepog ponašanja.

A kakvo ponašanje zaslužuje osoba koja, kad isto tako prvi put vidi drugu osobu, kaže:
“So are you gonna buy me a drink or what?”
Kao što i ti sam reče - našao student sponzorušu

[Irm@]

ja pročitah xD
Mislim da se ovaj tekst ne odnosi toliko na naše područije zato jer je kod nas ta kultura "daitinga" razvijena malo drugačije.

+1
..i ovaj mi se cini nekakav ogorcen jer je puno puta platio pice "za dzabe" jer nije dobio sex zauzvrat
i mislim da ovako filozofira svaki dan..
hajde Boga ti halali tih 8 dolara neceh ih u grob odnijeti...
i ne kazem ja to jer volim da mi momci plate pice..cak stavishe nikad u zivotu nisam prihvatila pice od nekog ko mi se ne svidja jer mi je to bezveze...a valjda ako je s ovom pricao pola sata i eto cak mu se i svidjela mogao joj je platiti pice jer ocito bi nastavili razgovor.. dok je kod nas obicaj cim te momak vidi u kaficu odmah ti pice salje pa taman i da si glupa k'o daska..

[vaca]

ja pročitah xD
Mislim da se ovaj tekst ne odnosi toliko na naše područije zato jer je kod nas ta kultura "daitinga" razvijena malo drugačije.

+1
..i ovaj mi se cini nekakav ogorcen jer je puno puta platio pice "za dzabe" jer nije dobio sex zauzvrat
i mislim da ovako filozofira svaki dan..
hajde Boga ti halali tih 8 dolara neceh ih u grob odnijeti...
i ne kazem ja to jer volim da mi momci plate pice..cak stavishe nikad u zivotu nisam prihvatila pice od nekog ko mi se ne svidja jer mi je to bezveze...a valjda ako je s ovom pricao pola sata i eto cak mu se i svidjela mogao joj je platiti pice jer ocito bi nastavili razgovor.. dok je kod nas obicaj cim te momak vidi u kaficu odmah ti pice salje pa taman i da si glupa k'o daska..

[vaca]

ja pročitah xD
Mislim da se ovaj tekst ne odnosi toliko na naše područije zato jer je kod nas ta kultura "daitinga" razvijena malo drugačije.

+1
..i ovaj mi se cini nekakav ogorcen jer je puno puta platio pice "za dzabe" jer nije dobio sex zauzvrat
i mislim da ovako filozofira svaki dan..
hajde Boga ti halali tih 8 dolara neceh ih u grob odnijeti...
i ne kazem ja to jer volim da mi momci plate pice..cak stavishe nikad u zivotu nisam prihvatila pice od nekog ko mi se ne svidja jer mi je to bezveze...a valjda ako je s ovom pricao pola sata i eto cak mu se i svidjela mogao joj je platiti pice jer ocito bi nastavili razgovor.. dok je kod nas obicaj cim te momak vidi u kaficu odmah ti pice salje pa taman i da si glupa k'o daska..

[Officer Crabtree]

Principi?

Pičkica klasična.

Mog'o joj je platit par pića i jebat je a on sad ovdje spominje lafo neku moralnu pobjedu, a onda će kupit COD2 pa igrat na kompu.

Hajd da barem pojeba debeljucu.

Jebiga, srećom ima nas koji ćemo platit', a vi morališite do sutra, ne planiram je ženit'...

[sodom]

pazi, fazon upravo jest u principu. jest to u jednu ruku neki red, ali kakav je red pitati "hoćeš mi platiti piće" ako to lik već nije sam uradio (dal' iz principa, dal' zato što nema, dal' zato što jednostavno ne želi, nije ni bitno)?

Vidiš bolan da je to ona izvukla iz nekog filma pa ono u fazonu "Hoćeš li mi platiti piće ili ćemo se samo gledati"
Naravno, kod mene ovaj tip cura nikad nema prolaza.

Moralna pobjeda je nekada dosta bolja od seksa sa neukusno na svaki način postavljenom curom
Bolje ništa nego svašta. Ko se jednom oprži i na hladno puše.

[Sunrise00]

Meni se uopce ne svidja ova tradicija ili sta je vec da muskarci kupuju djevojkama pice Mislim, ako sam zensko nisam nesposobna

[Onjegin]

Principi?

Pičkica klasična.

Mog'o joj je platit par pića i jebat je a on sad ovdje spominje lafo neku moralnu pobjedu, a onda će kupit COD2 pa igrat na kompu.

Hajd da barem pojeba debeljucu.

Jebiga, srećom ima nas koji ćemo platit', a vi morališite do sutra, ne planiram je ženit'...

Moj omiljeni francuskobritanski drote: ko ti garantuje da nećeš i ti ostati suh nakon plaćanja pića?

[Officer Crabtree]

niko, al ovako sigurno nije pojeb'o...

poenta je, ako idem u kafić/klub subotom navečer i prilazim curama, započinjem razgovor i častim ih pićem, intencije mi nisu da se uključim u njihov klub ljubitelja lika i djela edwarda cullena il kako se već onaj jad zove

ljudi izlaze da šta zbare, nek oprosti ovaj aptajt serator, al cura je izašla u provod

i ta je debela al je to jedini način bio da je neko pojebe, što se na kraju desilo

bilo kako bilo, samo je on legao sam (doduše s drugačijim zadovoljstvom, al eto ima nas svakakvih)

[Incub]

Je li isao neko proslaviti 1 Maj?
Vidim vise nas skoro nego radnim danom.

[pustopoljina]

niko, al ovako sigurno nije pojeb'o...

poenta je, ako idem u kafić/klub subotom navečer i prilazim curama, započinjem razgovor i častim ih pićem, intencije mi nisu da se uključim u njihov klub ljubitelja lika i djela edwarda cullena il kako se već onaj jad zove

ljudi izlaze da šta zbare, nek oprosti ovaj aptajt serator, al cura je izašla u provod

i ta je debela al je to jedini način bio da je neko pojebe, što se na kraju desilo

bilo kako bilo, samo je on legao sam (doduše s drugačijim zadovoljstvom, al eto ima nas svakakvih)

ima jedna pjesma od rambo amadeusa...k'o pisana za tebe...

[BiH-x]

niko, al ovako sigurno nije pojeb'o...

poenta je, ako idem u kafić/klub subotom navečer i prilazim curama, započinjem razgovor i častim ih pićem, intencije mi nisu da se uključim u njihov klub ljubitelja lika i djela edwarda cullena il kako se već onaj jad zove

ljudi izlaze da šta zbare, nek oprosti ovaj aptajt serator, al cura je izašla u provod

i ta je debela al je to jedini način bio da je neko pojebe, što se na kraju desilo

bilo kako bilo, samo je on legao sam (doduše s drugačijim zadovoljstvom, al eto ima nas svakakvih)

[Officer Crabtree]

ima jedna pjesma od rambo amadeusa...k'o pisana za tebe...

ima i jedna od Let 3 k'o pisana za tebe