Vic dana 2004/2005/.../2015/20XX

[eurosmijeh]

Crnka spazila svog dečka kako joj kupuje cvijeće pa počne
da se žali svojoj prijateljici-plavušici:
-Kad god mi on kupuje cvijeće,to znači da nešto očekuje od
mene,a ja ne želim da sljedeća tri dana provedem
na leđima sa nogama okrenutim u zrak!
Na to će plavušica:
-Što,zar nemaš vazu?

[eurosmijeh]

Žena: Kakva ti je ovo poruka na mobitelu?
Muž: Koja poruka?
Žena: Pisalo je: “Hoćeš da ti popušim večeras u autu?”
Muž: Bože dragi ovi telekomi stvarno postaju naporni s ponudama.

[Ultraviolent]

Zatekne majka sina Dalmatinca u krevetu sav u suzama.

Sine sta je bilo?
Ružan san.
A nisi sine ružan, nemoj tako

[Tiger 033]

Na fočanskoj svadbi, svak sebi lijepi pare na čelo.

[perfect_guy]

Bh. verzije filmova o Harryju Potteru (ili Harisu Poturu):
1) ...i Kamen spoticanja
2) ...i Trezor trajni
3) ...i Zatočenici Čevljanovića
4) ...i Plameni predizborni govor
5) ...i Red pred pekarom
6) ...i Princ laktaške / bábine / aluminijske krvi
7) ...i Darovi privatizacije, 1. dio
8 ) ...i Darovi privatizacije, 2. dio

[ja71]

evo jedan star izvadjen in naftalina

SCENE: Two Americans at IBM, USA

Michael: Hi John, you didn't come to work yesterday?
John: Yeah, I was at the Bosnian Embassy trying to get a visa.
Michael: Oh really! What happened? I've heard that these days they have
become very strict!
John: Yeah, but I managed to get it.
Michael: How long did it take to get it stamped?
John: Oh! It was a long queue. Bill Gates was standing in front of me and
they really gave him hard time. The poor person had even brought the
property papers for his house in Seattle to show that that he will come
back. I went there at 4 am to get in the queue and there were tons of people
ahead of me!
Michael: Really? In Bosnia, at the US Embassy it only takes an hour to get a
visa for USA.
John: Yeah! However, that's because who in Bosnia would want to come to US
except Americans who have now taken Bosnian nationality and want to bring
their kids here.
Michael: So, when are you leaving?
John: As soon as I get my ticket from the company in Bosnia. I am so
excited; I will be getting a chance to fly with Air Bosna. Sort of a dream
come true.
Michael: How long are you planning to stay in Bosnia?
John: What do you mean by how long? I will try to settle in Bosnia. My
company has promised me that they will process my Green Book.
Michael: Really! You lucky person, man, it is very difficult to get a Green
Book in Bosnia. Last year my cousin and his family went there on a tourist
visa and they are now coming back.
John: Yeah, that's why I am planning to marry a Bosnian girl there and then
sponsor my parents and my brother and sister.
Michael: But you can find many American klix in Tesanj and Zavidovici.
John: Yeah! But, I prefer Bosnian klix. They are so much more superior to
any other klix in the world.
Michael: What city are you going to?
John: Mramor, the company has its office downtown. The salary is good but
the cost of living is quite high because of all the people flocking to this
high tech capital of the world.
Michael: I hear the exchange rate is now $100 for 1KM. That is too much!
What about Srebrenik and Olovo?
John: No idea, but its cheaper than Mramor. It's like world headquarters of
technology.
Michael: I hear that quality of life there is incredible.
John: Yes, you can get a BMW car for 20,000 KM and a Mercedes for less than
25,000 KM but my dream is to purchase VW Golf made in Sarajevo, which costs
80,000 KM. The ones made in Germany are not as high quality as the ones they
make in Sarajevo.
Michael: Man, you sure are set for a fancy life. By the way, which company
are you going with?
John: KemoSoft, a pure Bosnian company specialized in embedded software.
Michael: Oh really! You are so lucky to be able to work for a pure Bosnian
company. They are really high tech and unlike the American companies who
have opened their offices "overnight" in Bosnia and don't pay you salaries
for 4-5 months at a time. Bosnian companies pay you even when you are on the
bench. My friend Paul Allen used his bench time to visit the coast of "Hazna
Jezero", the most gorgeous place in Bosnia.
John: Yeah man, you are right. I hope that US learns something from them and
follows in their footsteps. It seems all we do is borrow more and more money
from "Komercijalna Banka Tuzla".
Michael: How are you going to cope with their language?
John: From my school days I've been learning Bosnian. I've been dreaming
that one day I will go to Bosnia ever since I saw "Obracun kod O.K Ismeta".
At the consulate, they tested my proficiency in Bosnian and were quite
impressed by my score in TOBFL. *Test of Bosnian as a Foreign Language*
Michael: Man! You are so lucky!
John: Yeah, I will be traveling by the world's fastest trains, ZBH, visiting
the worlds biggest shopping center GRANAP, and visit the famous BHWood where
you can see actors like Emir Hadzihafizbegovic.
Michael: You know, President Izetbegovic is scheduled to visit next number
of visas.
John: That's true. Last month Haris Silajdzic visited White House, donated
20,000 KM for infrastructure development at Sillicon Valley, and has
promised, more if we follow the model of high tech city of Mramor and Bill
Gates also got a chance to meet him. Very lucky person.
Michael: Will you be visiting Dave? I hear that he has made it big there and
now has a beautiful house in Gracanica. Good luck John!
John: Same to you Michael, and don't go to the Bosnian Consulate in New York
because they will think you are too "Bosnianized" and may doubt you will
ever come back to US and your application will be rejected. And, yes, don't
forget to say "Djesi jebo ti mater svoju" to the visa officer. It will show
that you are a cultured person.

[eurosmijeh]

Izlazi plavuša iz toaleta i moli konobara:
-Možeš li da mi usitniš ovih 70 eura?
-Ne postoji novčanica od 70 eura,ovo je falsifikat!
-Kuku meni pa ja sam silovana.

[Ultraviolent]

Srela se dva tipa na nebu i pita jedan drugog:
"Od čega si ti umro?"
- "Od zime"
- "A ti?"
- "Od sreće"
- "Kako to od sreće?"
- "Eto, dođem ja kući, zateknem ženu u krevetu i odmah pretražim cijelu kuću: podrum, tavan, ispod kreveta. Ne nađem nikog i od sreće umrem."
- "E, idiote, da si pogledao u zamrzivač, danas bismo obojica bili živi!"

[eurosmijeh]

Trogodišnji dječak pregledava svoje testise za vrijeme kupanja u kadi.
"Mama", pita on, "da li je to moj mozak?"
"Ne još", odgovori mama.

[eurosmijeh]

JUTARNJA ŽENSKA MOLITVA:
Dragi Bože, za sada mi je dobro...
Još nisam tračarila, nisam se ljutila, nisam pomislila
na tuđeg muškarca...
Nisam izgubila kontrolu, nisam bila egoistična, nisam
jadikovala, tužila se, niti psovala...
Nisam pojela ni najmanji komadić čokolade...
Nisam bila na bankomatu i nisam zadužila svoj račun, ali...
za nekoliko minuta ću izaći iz kreveta, i onda će
mi zaista trebati tvoja pomoć..

[nidjevezesazivotom]

Dosao keramicar u javnu kucu i trazi crnkinju.
Otisli u sobu i kaze on njoj skini se i nagni se.
Uradi ona tako a keramicar cucne pa gleda 2-3 minute i kaze "dobro je, obuci se"
Crnkinja : - i !? To je sve ???
Keramicar: ma ja...samo htio da vidim kako ide roza fuga na crne plocice

[seln]

Dosao keramicar u javnu kucu i trazi crnkinju.
Otisli u sobu i kaze on njoj skini se i nagni se.
Uradi ona tako a keramicar cucne pa gleda 2-3 minute i kaze "dobro je, obuci se"
Crnkinja : - i !? To je sve ???
Keramicar: ma ja...samo htio da vidim kako ide roza fuga na crne plocice

Ko god je jednom pogledao "black" porno, taj zna da crnkinje imaju labia pudendi minor tamnosmedje boje.

[pussysmoke]

.

[eurosmijeh]

Mala Mara dođe kući iz škole sva nasmijana i kaže mami:
- Perica mi je danas pokazao svoju pišu! Prije nego
što je mama uspjela bilo šta da kaže, Mara će:
- Podsjetio me je na kikiriki! Mama odahne i nasmije se:
- Tako malen je bio? Mara odgovori: - Ne… slan!

[eurosmijeh]

Majka šiša sina, a on se opire i viče:
– Neću frizuru kao tata!
– Moraš sine, svi pričaju da ličiš na komšiju...

[eurosmijeh]

Upravo mi bivši poslao poruku: volio bi da si ovdje.
To uvijek uradi kad prolazi pokraj groblja...

[O'zone]

Banned user for reason “Kršenje pravila foruma”
» emigrazione

7 dana

[u prolazniku]

Eurosmijeh ko eurokrem, začas te "proćera"

[Averus]

Eurokrem zatvara...

[bordo gandalf]

Eurokrem zatvara...

Termostabilni

[pussysmoke]

.

[eurosmijeh]

Zajebite malo,ovaj put nije radi mene.
Covjek se bunio radi onih engleskih viceva,malo opsovao i eto belaja.
Ovaj put sam cist ka suza..

[AmiĐa_Idriz]

[julisiz es grant]

Kralj

[Vilajet_Bosna]

Dosao keramicar u javnu kucu i trazi crnkinju.
Otisli u sobu i kaze on njoj skini se i nagni se.
Uradi ona tako a keramicar cucne pa gleda 2-3 minute i kaze "dobro je, obuci se"
Crnkinja : - i !? To je sve ???
Keramicar: ma ja...samo htio da vidim kako ide roza fuga na crne plocice

Ko god je jednom pogledao "black" porno, taj zna da crnkinje imaju labia pudendi minor tamnosmedje boje.

vidi se da bi ovaj keramičar sfušerio poso.