Vic dana 2004/2005/.../2015/20XX

Kulturna dešavanja, predstave, izložbe, festivali, obrazovanje i budućnost mladih...

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turbofolk
Posts: 3230
Joined: 13/05/2014 09:37

#25626 Re: Vic dana 2004/2005/.../2015/2016

Post by turbofolk »

AmiĐa_Idriz wrote:
turbofolk wrote:Bosanac i Slovenac (il nije bitno ko, Hrvat, Srbin, Makedonac, Crnogorac, qrac palac)
I sad taj drugi kaže Bosancu:

- Bosanac, hajdi reci "dva"
- Dva
-Jebo te ja

....pa onda

- Bosanac, hajdi reci "tri"
- Tri
-Jebali te mi

....pa onda

- Bosanac, hajdi reci "pet"
- Pet
-Jebo te cijeli svijet

... Bosanac znači prokipio i trpi nekako, pa će ti on tom drugom:

- Hajdi ti reci devet
- Devet (konta nema nikakva rima sa devet, pa ko ga jebe)

Kaže Bosanac:

- Idi u tri pičke materine..... i jedan pamtim
'vodim te u krevet' :oops:
E jebiga

Pa to je mogo izjavit samo ovaj drugi kontra Bosanca. I to tipujem na prvu dvojicu, onog ispred zagrade i prvog u zagradi :D
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Zejnep
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Joined: 10/08/2017 22:38

#25627 Re: Vic dana 2004/2005/.../2015/2016

Post by Zejnep »

Pitar sa Kariba wrote:Vjencali se Mujo i Fata u opstini.
Pita maticar Fatu: "Fato, koje cete prezime uzeti?"
Fata: "Ja bih Izetbegovic, ako moze?!"
:D
:lol:
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thekupus
Posts: 7384
Joined: 25/06/2011 22:38

#25628 Re: Vic dana 2004/2005/.../2015/2016

Post by thekupus »

Zejnep wrote:
Pitar sa Kariba wrote:Vjencali se Mujo i Fata u opstini.
Pita maticar Fatu: "Fato, koje cete prezime uzeti?"
Fata: "Ja bih Izetbegovic, ako moze?!"
:D
:lol:
zar to nije bilo: "Ja bih bićaćkić, ako može?" :lol: :lol:
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eurosmijeh
Posts: 4501
Joined: 22/05/2014 09:52

#25629 Re: Vic dana 2004/2005/.../2015/2016

Post by eurosmijeh »

"Žena:
- Kakvi su tvoji planovi za Uskrs?
Muž:
Isto kao i Isusovi…
Žena:
-Kako to misliš?
Muž:
-Nestat ću u petak i ponovo se pojaviti u ponedjeljak !
Žena:
-Ako to napraviš, ja ću isto kao i Marija…
Muž:
-A to je?
Žena:
-Pojavit ću se trudna, bez da me muž dotaknuo…"
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eurosmijeh
Posts: 4501
Joined: 22/05/2014 09:52

#25630 Re: Vic dana 2004/2005/.../2015/2016

Post by eurosmijeh »

Jednu noć, elegantno odjeven muškarac zaustavi taxi i kaže neka ga vozi kući.
Na putu kući opazi lijepo odjevenu damu kako je stupila u noćni bar vrlo sumnjiva imena.
Odmah je zamolio taxistu neka se okrene i zaustavi na parkirnom prostoru.
Kad su se zaustavili, izvadi novčanik i kaže vozaču: "Evo, tu imaš tisuću eura. Tvoji su, ako odeš u bar i iz
njega izbaciš bez milosti ovu damu u crvenoj haljini koju smo sad vidjeli da je ušla. To je naime moja žena"!
Taksist uzme novac prihvati ponudu i kroz nekih desetak minuta bio je natrag sa ženom koju je vukao za kosu i
nesmiljeno je udarao.
Muškarac pozornije pogleda i opazi da je žena obučena u zeleno.
Izađe iz taxija i poviče "čovječe to nije ta, to nije ta..."
Taksist zadihan odgovori: "Polako prijatelju, to je moja! Sad idem po tvoju!"
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Zejnep
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Joined: 10/08/2017 22:38

#25631 Re: Vic dana 2004/2005/.../2015/2016

Post by Zejnep »

Mrak!
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vazi
Posts: 8853
Joined: 07/04/2010 15:31

#25632 Re: Vic dana 2004/2005/.../2015/2016

Post by vazi »

thekupus wrote:
Zejnep wrote:
Pitar sa Kariba wrote:Vjencali se Mujo i Fata u opstini.
Pita maticar Fatu: "Fato, koje cete prezime uzeti?"
Fata: "Ja bih Izetbegovic, ako moze?!"
:D
:lol:
zar to nije bilo: "Ja bih bićaćkić, ako može?" :lol: :lol:

Suze me oblise :lol: :lol:
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Industrialyzer
Posts: 4851
Joined: 11/06/2011 23:51

#25633 Re: Vic dana 2004/2005/.../2015/2016

Post by Industrialyzer »

Dere se frajer na telefon:

F: Žena mi je trudna, evo izgleda da su krenuli trudovi, kontrakcije se javljaju na svaka dva minuta.
Doktor s druge strane žice:
D: Je li to njeno prvo dijete?
F: Ma nije ba, ovdje njen suprug!
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mayab
Posts: 30811
Joined: 06/03/2008 13:00
Location: SARAJEVO

#25634 Re: Vic dana 2004/2005/.../2015/2016

Post by mayab »

:thumbup: :lol: :lol: :lol:
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Zejnep
Posts: 10319
Joined: 10/08/2017 22:38

#25635 Re: Vic dana 2004/2005/.../2015/2016

Post by Zejnep »

ukrala, od Ede :mrgreen:
Kaže: Imate li vi kakvu turističku atrakciju u selu?
Imali smo al se udala

:pisnula:
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pussysmoke
Posts: 2087
Joined: 30/07/2012 14:56

#25636 Re: Vic dana 2004/2005/.../2015/2016

Post by pussysmoke »

.
Last edited by pussysmoke on 26/12/2019 23:13, edited 1 time in total.
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Averus
Posts: 21278
Joined: 13/02/2008 17:07

#25637 Re: Vic dana 2004/2005/.../2015/2016

Post by Averus »

:lol:
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Spartan17
Posts: 220
Joined: 08/03/2017 17:48

#25638 Re: Vic dana 2004/2005/.../2015/2016

Post by Spartan17 »

Jedan crnjak za aprilili :)

Uleti Perica u sobu, kaže:
"Mama, mama eno se tata objesio u podrumu!"
Ode mama u podrum, kad tamo nikoga.
Vraća se, a Perica kaže:
"Aprilili nije u podrumu, eno ga objesio se na tavanu".
zikamu
Posts: 3166
Joined: 10/09/2005 09:40

#25639 Re: Vic dana 2004/2005/.../2015/2016

Post by zikamu »

Zlatan Facts

1 - When he was 10 years old, Zlatan decided to live by himself. And his parents just moved to another house.

2 - Zlatan lost his virginity even before his parents.

3 - One day Zlatan did a test in a lie detector machine. The machine confessed everything.

4 - When Zlatan was young, his parents used to sleep on his bed when they were scared.

5 - When Zlatan goes to your place to visit you, you're the guest.

Manchester United - The father's name of Zlatan is Zlatan Junior.

7 - One day Zlatan passed a red light and the police stopped his car. Zlatan charged the police.

8 - Zlatan helped the nurses when he was born.

9 - Zlatan never lies. The truth is what is wrong.

Chelsea - When Alexander Graham Bell created the telephone, he already had three missed calls from Zlatan.

11- Oxygen needs Zlatan to survive.

12 - It is impossible for Zlatan to have a heart attack. Nothing is stupid enough to attack Zlatan.

13 - In school teachers used to raise their hands to talk with Zlatan.

14 - One day Zlatan missed two days in a row in the school. Later on, these days were called Saturday and Sunday.

15 - One day Zlatan arrived late at school. The other students were penalised because they arrived too early

16 - It's not Zlatan that doesn't deserve to win the Golden Ball. It's the Golden Ball that doesn't deserve to win Zlatan.

17- One day Zlatan taught a child to run. Nowadays this child is called Usain Bolt.

18- Zlatan can kill two stones with one bird.

19- Zlatan doesn't call the wrong number. You answer the wrong phone.

20- Some people wear Superman pyjamas.
Superman wears a Zlatan pyjama.

21- Zlatan does not get wet, it is water that Zlatans.

22 - Zlatan makes onions cry.

23- When Mark Zukerberg created Facebook he already had a friend request from Zlatan.

24- Zlatan doesn’t scroll with a mouse. He uses a lion.

25- Zlatan beat Mona Lisa in a staring
competition.

26- Zlatan gmail account is [email protected]
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phillie
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Location: vrijeme, prostor - zdra'o

#25640 Re: Vic dana 2004/2005/.../2015/2016

Post by phillie »

Zlatane, jebace te Chuck :D
zikamu
Posts: 3166
Joined: 10/09/2005 09:40

#25641 Re: Vic dana 2004/2005/.../2015/2016

Post by zikamu »

Chuck je dobro stariji, ali Zlatan je sve ovo radio dok se Chuck jos nije ni rodio... :lol:
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XXS
Posts: 1702
Joined: 29/11/2009 19:32

#25642 Re: Vic dana 2004/2005/.../2015/2016

Post by XXS »

Koliko je sklekova uradio Zlatan?
SVE!

Kako Zlatan pije vodu sa cesme?
Na ex!

:mrgreen: :D
ja71
Posts: 5637
Joined: 31/03/2006 14:45

#25643 Re: Vic dana 2004/2005/.../2015/2016

Post by ja71 »

Kad Zlatan pliva on se ne stopi nego se voda ozlataniše
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Daryl Dixon
Posts: 6510
Joined: 18/06/2014 01:09
Location: Šeher Sarajevo

#25644 Re: Vic dana 2004/2005/.../2015/2016

Post by Daryl Dixon »

ajjj :-) :lol:
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eurosmijeh
Posts: 4501
Joined: 22/05/2014 09:52

#25645 Re: Vic dana 2004/2005/.../2015/2016

Post by eurosmijeh »

Perica:
- Tata, a sta je to otrov za miseve?
Tata:
- To ti je,sine, macka u prahu.
User avatar
eurosmijeh
Posts: 4501
Joined: 22/05/2014 09:52

#25646 Re: Vic dana 2004/2005/.../2015/2016

Post by eurosmijeh »

Položila sam vožnju iz prvog popušaja - Plavuša
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mO k3
Posts: 34082
Joined: 23/09/2009 14:16
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#25647 Re: Vic dana 2004/2005/.../2015/2016

Post by mO k3 »

zikamu wrote:Zlatan Facts

1 - When he was 10 years old, Zlatan decided to live by himself. And his parents just moved to another house.

2 - Zlatan lost his virginity even before his parents.

3 - One day Zlatan did a test in a lie detector machine. The machine confessed everything.

4 - When Zlatan was young, his parents used to sleep on his bed when they were scared.

5 - When Zlatan goes to your place to visit you, you're the guest.

Manchester United - The father's name of Zlatan is Zlatan Junior.

7 - One day Zlatan passed a red light and the police stopped his car. Zlatan charged the police.

8 - Zlatan helped the nurses when he was born.

9 - Zlatan never lies. The truth is what is wrong.

Chelsea - When Alexander Graham Bell created the telephone, he already had three missed calls from Zlatan.

11- Oxygen needs Zlatan to survive.

12 - It is impossible for Zlatan to have a heart attack. Nothing is stupid enough to attack Zlatan.

13 - In school teachers used to raise their hands to talk with Zlatan.

14 - One day Zlatan missed two days in a row in the school. Later on, these days were called Saturday and Sunday.

15 - One day Zlatan arrived late at school. The other students were penalised because they arrived too early

16 - It's not Zlatan that doesn't deserve to win the Golden Ball. It's the Golden Ball that doesn't deserve to win Zlatan.

17- One day Zlatan taught a child to run. Nowadays this child is called Usain Bolt.

18- Zlatan can kill two stones with one bird.

19- Zlatan doesn't call the wrong number. You answer the wrong phone.

20- Some people wear Superman pyjamas.
Superman wears a Zlatan pyjama.

21- Zlatan does not get wet, it is water that Zlatans.

22 - Zlatan makes onions cry.

23- When Mark Zukerberg created Facebook he already had a friend request from Zlatan.

24- Zlatan doesn’t scroll with a mouse. He uses a lion.

25- Zlatan beat Mona Lisa in a staring
competition.

26- Zlatan gmail account is [email protected]
bilo je 100 viceva :) samo si ove kopirao :)
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pirmin
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Location: Ciganluk

#25648 Re: Vic dana 2004/2005/.../2015/2016

Post by pirmin »

Da mi ovaj brat isprica neki od viceva koje eurosmijeh kopira sa hrvatskih portala umro bih od smijeha

https://youtu.be/Q-_miYXMhmU

:srce:
8)
:-D
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beni-bu-man
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Joined: 10/04/2012 09:01
Location: On land, air, or sea, I don't need No I.D

#25649 Re: Vic dana 2004/2005/.../2015/2016

Post by beni-bu-man »

pirmin wrote:Da mi ovaj brat isprica neki od viceva koje eurosmijeh kopira sa hrvatskih portala umro bih od smijeha

https://youtu.be/Q-_miYXMhmU

:srce:
8)
:-D
baci pogled na ovog idiota

Achi der Entertainer

julisiz es grant
Posts: 7469
Joined: 27/07/2008 23:34
Location: Oj Kupreško ravno poljce, što pozoba Crnogorce...

#25650 Re: Vic dana 2004/2005/.../2015/2016

Post by julisiz es grant »

'Vako sam se ko i sad osjećao krajem 90-ih u srednjoj, kad povratnici iz dijaspore iz razreda počnu između sebe o "provalama" Štefana Raba na Proziben, "mašn draj can, hahahah, jojjj provale...natirlih" :D
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